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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Memoir by Freya

Today's Writing Workshop was a bit shorter than usual, because we were having way too much fun with our warm-up exercise to stop! I started by rereading a book I've read before, but this time taking away all the interesting details and word choices. The students immediately realized that this was "boring" and "not very interesting" and "no hooks!". We then worked for a while coming up with more interesting ways to say some sentences, changing, "The room did not smell good" to "The science lab reeked of something hideous and rotten".

After, we staged an informal contest where kids anonymously rewrote some sentences to make them more interesting and detailed. We voted on our favorite ones. Here are two examples:

She cooked a dessert
Marie heated up an amazing tasty-looking edible treat.

The girl looked nice
The alien girl looked like a french fry. (Not really what I was going for, but this author knows his audience :-))

Today's memoir is by Freya. She included lots of details in her story, and is very pleased with the result. Please enjoy (so, so, so much!):

The Day I Got My Trampoline

The day I got my trampoline I was outside. My mom was watering the garden. I was looking around and I found a box that had a picture of a trampoline on it. I asked if it was ours and she said, "Yes!" That second I was so, so, so, so excited.

And it was summer. And five days later me and my dad started working on it. First we put together the big pieces. The next day we put the springs on together. Every day we do a little bit of putting the trampoline together until finally we finished it! And then my dad told me that I had to go to bed. The next day I was so, so, so, so, excited. The minute I saw it I asked my mom if I could go on it. She said, "Yes". I ran to it. I climbed on it. I jumped so, so, so high.

When my brother woke up he went to the kitchen and got some food. Then he went to the dining room and put his food down. And then he sat down. When he looked out the window and saw me jumping he got out of his chair and ran to the door and opened it and ran to the trampoline. And he bounced me so high that my back touched a branch of a pine tree that was leaning over our trampoline.

Every day a little bit of the pine needles from the pine tree that was leaning over our trampoline fell off the tree. Every time we usually swept it out of the trampoline entrance. And every day my brother bounced me so, so, so, high and that's the END.

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