How to Apologize - The 4 Step Method

Have you ever caught yourself saying to a child "Say you're sorry!" to another child? I think most of us have been guilty of this at one time or another. Unfortunately, this is usually a meaningless exercise. The child apologizing may not mean it, or may not even understand why they are apologizing. The child being apologized to usually feels frustrated because they don't feel that it was sincere. No one ends up feeling great about the situation, and - beyond that - it doesn't keep future mistakes from happening.

In our classroom, we now have a couple of How to Say Sorry posters for reference. We spent some time first thing this morning going over these 4 steps and then doing some role playing. The first rule is to stand face to face and look each other in the eyes. The second rule is to be sincere when talking.

Here are the 4 steps - we'll keep practicing at school, and you may like practicing them at home, too!

1. I'm sorry for:

+ list specific actions - It's much better to say, "I'm sorry I said that no one likes you and you can't play with us," rather than "I'm sorry I was mean."

2: This was wrong because:

+ say why it was wrong, and not because you got caught or got in trouble. "I can see your feelings are hurt and it was a really unkind thing to say."

3: In the future I:

+ tell what you will do, not what you won't do. Saying "I won't say that again" is less effective than "I will include you when you want to play and I will say kind things."

4: Will you forgive me?

+ This last bit is important. Sometimes you are not quite ready to forgive, and that it's okay to take some time.